Death...the only solution.

Friday, October 20, 2006

Why suddenly aku stop talking about my dear and S…..haiizzz….my DEAR is and will always be my dear…..S plak….Leh blah ahh…siot aje…sakit hati sehh…main main kan org lagik….nasib baik I lom let go of my sayang, and I feel guilty plak ada affair behind my dear, sorry my dear Kevin, I will love u more…anyway….I think its better for me not to write my dear name often in this blog, ye lah…I tak nak show off…tak guna nak show off…..haiizzzzz….still thinking abt that damn S….iisskkhh…make me sad, makes me HEARTACHE….and even make me angry, I think I know WHY he came back and leave again, its all because he got problem with his galfriend and want me to keep his mind of that gal, he said he SAYANGKAN me and want to be with me back and give him some time to getaway from his gal cause of a problem that is FOREVER going on between them but bila problem dah settle I dia CAMPAKtepi and ACCUSED me for not being supportive and patience in giving him time to settle himself….dalam hati I WHAT THE FUCK….DAMN LIAR.….tak patot nyer jantan…AND I THINK ALSO one of the Reason he come and leave is because of $$$$…..i borrow money from him, he came back, pretend to love me…then after got his money back then leave…bangsat siol….anyway……...sepanjang kita meet up baru baru nie kan…he ask me to buy him cigarette , I belikan dia bukan satu tapi dua plak tuu….that cause ard $9 each, and two of them total is $18 , done…then he told me he wanted an earphone….I got for him one….which cost $12….and then…his prepaid low then I top up for him $10…and that time I spent food on him which cause ard $10 pluss….whoitt…..kira kira….TOTAL….ard $50…..that $50 dollars is exactly what I owe him…..kimek siak…pasal $50 dollar aje..tak yah ahh nak pretend to come back….what siak……never mind….what goes ard comes ard also….beware and be careful, u might fall in ur own trap……aku tak berkira sgt, tapi dia macam macam alasan ………so I decide to kick him aside of my memory and let him leave….he will never come back to me…even he want…I don’t wan ENOUGH IS ENOUGH…...macam macam manusia ada…tapi I tetap sabar…my dear jugak tak tau pasal hal nie, kalau dia tahu MATILAH AKU….hahaha Insyallah tak punya….cause everything end already……..tapi I nie nakal sikit lah…I know my dear love me so much yet dalam diam diam I masok chatroom….channel melayu, dapat lah a few numbers…hehehehehe…….ssshhhhhhh ……..favour…takmo bilang dia ok………nanti dia marah….keep it low baby….WHAKAKAKAKA………kepala aku dah berserabut ngan keje nie….hari raya dah nak dekat….wahh enjoy sehh boss boss i…..i yang raya, dorang yang cuti….siak betoll….hahahahahahah

attempted suicide at 4:38 pm

Smlm aku jumpa Diana, then pas tu kita gi buka kat KFC at Singpost…..kekek sey….gerek and fun….hhahahahaha…aku gi geylang sebab nak beli envelope duit….then dia gi geylang nak beli cha kuih dia…hehaha….rilek alik keje terus meet dia at mrt then happy happy….rilek rilek…biasalah sana all pack….so pack…….i heard my ex pon ada gi ngan gf dia tu buka kat sana…..luckily never meet sia…kalau tak sakit hati aku….sedih sey dia buat aku…hahah anyway…aku rindu kat dia jugak….tapi tak leh show lah..dah takder jodoh….aku harap dia happy ngan dia skg…nak tahu siapa EX aku…..alah si A tuu…yang tinggal kat Tampines…the short short one…hehahahah….anyway…best of luck to u Azmi….balik to yesterday , kita dua orang pusing satu bazaar….carik envelope siot….my mother lah want one particular envelope…..the square one, mane nak carik sey, semua standard size…sekali aku cekik aru tau…hahahahaha…..dah jumpa kita gi carik benda dia kat geylang, pas tu kita org balik naik cab, bestnye Diana belanje….hehehe nasib baik aku on the way to go to my nenek nyer umah kat amk, kebetulan jugak dia tinggal kat bishan…selamat lah aku…whakakakakaka…….

Then today in the office….aku aru masok keje skg nie, next door ada function siol….memekak siol bising sgt…hahahah…then aku ngah takder banyak keje, ape lagik, layankan lah, ahahahahah alah….kejap lagi aku kene jumpa Diana lah nak suroh boss dia sign kan some documents…..leceh ahh…nasib baik dia nyer office kat international plaza..tak lah jauh sgt….walking distance aje…haaaiiizzzzz…….k lah..aku dah tak tau nak cakap ape….aku outs dulu…..sampai bertemu kembali di masa hadapan…..hehahahaha what eva…………

attempted suicide at 9:46 am

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Today lunch time, S came to drop by the office….I think I dah sayangkan dia balik lah, haiiz…I don’t know what to do with my current bf tuu….sayang dia ada….sayang S pun ada, haiiizzz…..tapi I kenal S dulu dari My bf….haiizzz….anyway…S drop by, from his work, then kita lepak near my office place, talking about his problem with his bike…n seek for my opinion…haiizz….i help him out a bit..dia tak puasa lagik….lol…smlm I suroh dia puasa….dia kata ok…but then tadik tak tahan, terus buka, ape dah… heehhehh…he start to be near me I rasa….cause he always call nowadays, I pon call him jugak,…..kita plan nak gi geylang on the 21st October, Deepavali night, he want to buy baju kurong, hehehe kita plan nak pakai sepasang,…….ok gitu, macam couple…..i think we are gonna be one, insyallah…sayang tu masih ada…..heheheh…to my dear….i don’t know….what’s gonna happen in the future….

attempted suicide at 4:37 pm

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

I met S yesterday, We buka kat luar, kita gi Marina Square….Makan KFC…..bercinta sey, hahaha….motor park kat Raffles City, buka kat Marina , nasib tak jauh sgt, hehehehok lah tuu, kita makan then hapy happy chatting, then I asked him, nak gi kampong glam? Then dia kata ok…we go…reach kampong glam…dasyat sey, satu crowd pun takder…..mendak abis….then he said, nak gi geylang tak, sana lebih bagus,…thinking geylang kan dekat ngan umah me, n dia senang antar me home…ok lahWe go geylang, I wanted to shop for some perfume, and he also want to shop for earphone, then we pegi lah kedai tuu….i bought one perfume, which cause $22, then we jalan jalan, alamak nampak kedai lagik satu jual at a price of $18….Siakk Betol sey, RUGI DUIT I…..iskkhhh….JAHANAM PEH Kedai…nasib baik minyak wangi buat sedap, kalau tak I dah mintak REFUND…..iskkk…..S got his earphone and we’re all happy, then kita lepak kat near my place…then ard 11 pluss gitu dia antar I balik……luckily my mom was fast asleep……

attempted suicide at 9:50 am

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Things can be broken down

In this world of ours

You don't have to be a famous person

Just to make your mark

A mother can be an inspiration

To her little son

Change his thoughts, his mind, his life,

Just with her gentle hum

So different, yet so the same

Two sisters only have their parents to blame

It's rare that two can get along

But when they do, they're inseparable

Such a blessing comes to few

The sky is full of clouds and

My world's full of people

All different kinds…. with different ways

It would take a lifetime to explain

No one's exactly the same

He and she, two different people

With two separate lives

Then you put the two together

And get a spectacular surprise

'Cause one can teach the other

What she doesn't know

While still the other fills a place inside

He never knew had room to grow

Once in a while I sit back

And think about the planet

Most of the time I trip on it

To kick back and think about

How massive it all is

And how amy others are on it

I often think about the world

In which I live today, of animals and plants

And nature's gift set in display

But the most amazing thing

That I've seen in my time

Are all the different people

And all their different minds

And different ways

It would take a lifetime to explain

No one's exactly the same

Look at me, I'm a person

Look at me, I'm my own person

So many different people

So many different kinds

For better or for worse, different people

attempted suicide at 5:22 pm

I don’t know what’s gonna happen today, heheh me aru sampai keje….ngah takde keje lagik pon, so boring….haiizzz…..my ex came back……the one after my current ex….and my dear….i don’t know what to do….i miss my ex….and love my dear, oohh noo….looking on far term, my dear….is a foreigner, and not a muslim, which my mom don’t like..anyway…S is Back, I meet him up yesterday during lunch time, woow….he owns another bike, so now I think he got 3 bikes….one is a big one, which I rode once on before, and the other one is a small one which I rode a couple of time before with him, and now this red bike…..is cool…its for his work bike…small and steady, and nice looking bike, anyway we were talking and talking and then he asked me a question. What was it? Only I know…he maybe dropping by again today anytime….hehe

Enough about him, now the day in the office is not so bored like it always seem. Luckily I’m in the corner, not much people walk to my side, so kirakan me ok lah kat sini, then later kalau he tak jumpa me, then I tido lah kat meja….for awhile only…..to tell the truth, I still ada hati kat my ex….but I don’t know…then how abt my dear?…..haiizzzz……if only I could find the way out….well in the mean while….i love this song…..

No Regrets

Tell Me A Story Where We All Change And We’d Live Our Lives Together
And Not Enstranged
I Didn’t Lose My Mind It Was Mine To Give Away
Couldn’t Stay To Watch Me Cry
You Didn’t Have The Time So I Softly Slip Away...

No Regrets
They Don’t Work
No Regrets
They Only Hurt
Sing Me A Love Song, Drop Me A Line
Suppose It’s Just A Point Of View
But They Tell Me I’m Doing Fine

I Know From The Outside
We Looked Good For Each Other
Felt Things Were Going Wrong
When You Didn’t Like My Mother

I Don’t Want To Hate But That’s All You’ve Left Me With
A Bitter Aftertaste And A Fantasy Of How We All Could Live

No Regrets
They Don’t Work
No Regrets
They Only Hurt

(We’ve Been Told You Stay Up Late),I Know They’re Still Talking
(You’re Far Too Short To Carry Weight)The Demons In Your Head
(Return The Videos They’re Late)If I Could Just Stop Hating You(Goodbye)
I’d Feel Sorry For Us Instead

Remember The Photographs (Insane)The Ones Where We All Laugh (So Lame)
We Were Having The Time Of Our Lives Well Thank You It Was A Real Blast

Everything I Wanted To Be
Everytime I Walked Away
Everytime You Told Me To Leave
I Just Wanted To Stay
Every Time You Looked At Me And Everytime You Smiled
I Felt So Vacant You Treat Me Like A Child
I Loved The Way We Used To Laugh
I Loved The Way We Used To Smile
Often I Sit Down And Think Of You, For A While
Then It Passes By Me And I Think Of Someone Else Instead
I Guess The Love We Once Had Is Officially DEAD

attempted suicide at 9:48 am

Monday, October 09, 2006

Siang harinye I tak buat ape ape, dok kemas bilik then kemas hall aje, in search for the memory card, mane lah benda nie adik I letak, I also don’t know. Then lepas buka, my adik ask me to drive her to compass point, cause she wanna look for job there, then I terpaksa lah antar dia. In about kul 9 gitu, I received a sms from a long time school friend, Named H, dari dulu si H nie nak jumpa me, but I asyik tak free jer, kecian dia, then that day, I agree lah to meet him….he was my seniors meaning older by 2 years ..surprised to see him, short, well not so…about my heights…..and buncit…hehhah, tak lah sgt….yang peliknya….dulu time sch, sepatah haram perkataan pun tak pernah bual ngan dia…tiba tiba, dia nak meet, hairan jugak…hehehe…he’s quite cute.. not as cute as my darling. Dok kat bawah blok umah me, then boring….then we carik tempat lain to dudok.then kita chat panjang panjang, Tanya about life and stuff…then suddenly….*muacks* dia cium me at the lips….oh my god….is this fellow ok?…..hehe, pelik tapi best, harap-harap my dear tak tahu pasal nie, kalau dia tahu, mampos I, mati nanti, hehehe…wooww….best sey, ehehehe…so people…ssshhhhhhhh….ok?…..:LOL

attempted suicide at 9:59 am

Monday, October 02, 2006

Four voices perfectly blending right from the start.
Oh, I'm afraid that it's ending, and my world is falling apart.

It's over, and I feel so alone,
This is a sadness I've never known.
How did I let the sweetest of dreams slip away?
And I'm afraid the hurt is here to stay.

Promises made, not meant to be broken from a long time ago.
Oh, so many words still unspoken, tell me how I was to know.

It's over, (it's over,) never thought it would be.
Why in the world did this happen to me?
How could I let the sweetest of dreams slip away?
And I'm afraid the hurt is here to stay.

I go round and round and round in my head,
Wanting to take back whatever I said, (whatever I said.)
No one was right, (no one was right,)
We all made mistakes, (we all made mistakes,)
I'm ready to do whatever it takes.

Please, don't let it be
Over, no, this is not how it ends,
I need my sisters, my family, my friends.
Don't wanna let the sweetest of dreams slip away, (the dreams slip away.)
Don't cause if it's over, then the hurt is here to say. (Don't let it be over.)
Please don't let it be over.
Please don't let it be over.

attempted suicide at 3:22 pm